7 things children of alcoholics should know
This is in honor of Children of Alcoholics Week (Feb. 10-16) for everyone affected by alcoholism in their families. I am an advocate for and friend to kids coping with the effects of parental or other loved ones’ alcoholism. I’m an active volunteer at children’s programs. I’m also the author of a hopeful novel for tweens about parental alcoholism.
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I’m 30 years old. On each of these 11,000 or so days I’ve been alive, I’ve been negatively affected by alcoholism in my family. These alcoholics caused me a lot of worry, pain and terribly tough times. I am stronger for it but I wish I’d known earlier what I know today.
Here are seven major things you should know:
1. You’re so not alone.
One in four American kids lives with at least one parent who’s an alcoholic.
2. You haven’t and you can’t cause your parents or other people to drink.
Regardless of what an alcoholic may tell you, you can’t cause someone to drink or drink more or stop drinking. Alcoholics drink because they’re addicted. When they’re disappointed in themselves, they blame others for their decisions.
3. You can’t cure it. You can’t control it. You can’t make them stop drinking.
No matter what I did, they drank.
Not only did I waste my time and stop taking good care of myself, I actually often prevented my alcoholic loved ones from realizing that they needed help.
Finally, as a grownup, I learned that alcoholics only stop drinking if they accept that they’re addicted, that they need help and then get it.
4. You have one ultra-critical, top-priority job in the world.
Your responsibility in life is to make sure you’re safe, healthy and happy. That’s it. If you do not feel safe, you need to ask for help. If you’re worried all of the time, you need to ask for help. If you do not feel hopeful about the future, you need to ask for help.
5. Ignore stupid grownups.
Listen to those who tell you’re going to make your dreams happen. Your talents and experiences are not by chance. You are here for an important reason. You don’t have to go down the path that your family members did — and despite whatever challenges come along when you’re at that fork in the road, you’ll pick the different route. You will break the cycle. Amazing YOU! You’re going to grow up and have an extraordinary life. Believe it!
6. School yourself.
What my family called “little drinking problems” were actually severe cases of alcoholism. I learned that the more addicted a person becomes, the harder it is for the person to stop. Their brains change. They need help. They need counseling and doctors. I learned that this a widespread, global problem and I didn’t feel alone anymore.
School yourself about alcoholism: http://www.JodyLamb.com/Resources
7. Help is there.
Talk to a grownup you trust such as another family member, a teacher or a counselor about what’s happening at home.
Alateen meetings – http://www.al-anon.alateen.org
ChildHelp USA Child Abuse Hotline
If you do not feel safe, at any time of the day or night, please, please call this number and a counselor will help you: 1-800-422-4453.
Children of Addicted Parents & People (COAP) online community
This UK-based non-profit organization has an online community for “young people living with a family member’s addiction to drugs, alcohol or behaviour such as gambling”: http://www.coap.org.uk. “COAP provides online message boards for anyone aged between 7-30 years old to write about parental and family addiction. The trained mentors and other online members have the chance to reply and offer support.”
The most important resource of all? YOU! You deserve safety and serenity. Ask for help.
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About my novel Easter Ann Peters’ Operation Cool: I hope young people are moved by the characters’ determination and hope. For readers with alcoholics in their lives, I hope that they’re reminded that they are not alone and that they’re inspired by the characters’ discovery of the solution to improve their life situations. For readers who do not have alcoholics in their lives, I hope they’ll gain a more solid understanding of what alcoholism is, how it affects others and sensitivity to what their classmates, teammates and neighbors may be coping with at home.
This novel is the first of many for me. I’m currently writing non-fiction for kids about coping when loved ones are addicted to alcohol or other drugs. I intend to find a way to provide these at no cost to kids. My first young adult novel is also in progress.
Why I’m writing books about this: http://youtu.be/hDK6PGt3Rk4.
Thank you,
Jody Lamb
Easter Ann Peters’ Operation Cool is available in paperback at:
Major and independent bookstores
Amazon.com: http://amzn.com/0985956208
BN.com: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/easter-ann-peters-operation-cool-jody-lamb/1113066878
In the Kindle store: http://amzn.com/B009VLZDIS
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